Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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