Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We're too hungover to prance.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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