i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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