how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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