eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
