this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
