Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
