after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
