I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize