is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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