Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
