too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Randomize