Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize