youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
