K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
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