So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
