and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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