If i come over, it means nothing
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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