Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
