Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize