I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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