he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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