Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
