You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
