Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
