I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
