I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
