just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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