No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
