Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
