just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
