He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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