So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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