Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize