why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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