I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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