She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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