I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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