I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
