y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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