I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
