I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
