Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
