Your tits are I can't wait for
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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