I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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