Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
