I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
and she was petting her beer can
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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