we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
