Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
