What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
bring money and cleavage
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
