Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
