Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My vagina is very pro this idea
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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