I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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