Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
