ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
