Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We're too hungover to prance.
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