remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
