eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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