I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
