I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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