And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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