Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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