I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
