You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
