They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
