dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
