The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
