omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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