i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
