Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
