happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
