i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
whose ass print is on the piano?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
