You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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