i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize