its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
