Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
