Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize